Adoption stories are deeply human, existential, and often ambivalent—sometimes even brutal, especially when viewed through the lens of the adoption industry.

Every adoption experience begins with an unspeakable loss—one that reverberates throughout a lifetime. And yet, these stories are often wrapped in a societal narrative of gratitude and neglect: gratitude for being chosen and neglect of the profound grief and complexity that lie beneath.

In my own story, this complexity has often felt—and sometimes still feels—overwhelming. Adoption demands that we hold contradictory truths, endure ambivalent feelings, and live with unanswered questions. These contradictions often leave us feeling profoundly alienated—caught between the expectation of gratitude and the reality of unresolved loss.

Through inner work and connecting with fellow adoptees, I’ve come to understand that this alienation is not something to overcome but something to acknowledge and explore. I’ve learned to accept that the complexity, contradictions, and unanswered questions are fundamental parts of my identity. They don’t need to be simplified or hidden; they deserve to be seen, held, and expressed—because they won’t just disappear.

I’ve also realized that in most of the biographies I know, there were few—if any—people capable and willing to see this complexity and engage with it fully. This absence only deepens the alienation, leaving adoptees to navigate their feelings in isolation, often without the support and understanding they so deeply need.

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If you or someone you love and care about is affected by relinquishment and adoption trauma, I invite you to reach out. In my practice, I offer a safe space for adoptees to explore, heal, find resources and understanding. 

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If this feels relatable to you, come check out my Instagram @adopteewisdom – it’s a space for sharing, support, understanding, and connecting. Would love to see you there!

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